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Putting the Pieces Back Together
Starting to see the light
Day 19-July 27, 2021–Interesting Day!
I am exhausted from yesterday — processing the old trauma, and re-living Armageddon, the name I’ve given to the related nightmare. Tapping helped create an opening through which I could view what happened and how I managed it as a child.
It feels like sitting with the pain is crucial to moving through the trauma and tearing down the behavior patterns I created as a form of protection. I must find a way to disconnect the hard wiring in my brain so I am free to create new patterns of thought and behavior that suit an evolving adult, not a helpless, fearful child.
I am tired, and it’s been a challenge to sit with the pain instead of banishing it with alcohol or pot, but I feel myself rising, coming full circle. Maybe it’s like putting Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Collecting these pieces and parts I lost along the way feels powerful, if exhausting. I see myself- feel myself — getting past the old and coming into wholeness.
I wanted to walk this morning and needed to do it early because of the heat. I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, drank a cup of coffee, and prepped an electrolyte drink (water, salt, and ginger mint syrup). I strapped on my new shoes, the reward for…
